I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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