She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
