There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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