I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
