they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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