Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
