Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
