Say something about gay babies.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
