i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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