Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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