You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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