Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
