I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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