shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
