you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
