Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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