I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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