I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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