Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
