Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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