dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
