no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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