Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
