So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
