I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
