capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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