Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
