Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
