dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
