would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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