Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
