Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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