He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A+ Viking dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
