she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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