If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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