I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
