her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
