The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need water and some morals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
