I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
