I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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