Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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