Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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