Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just high enough for therapy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
