is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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