I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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