got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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