What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
