Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
