if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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