her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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