Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
